September 01, 2017
There Were No Explosions At The Arkema Plant

You may have heard that there were explosions at the Arkema chemical plant in Crosby, Texas near Houston, but you’d be wrong. There were no explosions. There never have been any explosions, and there never will be any explosions. There were only a series of small pops:

Authorities said Thursday morning that there weren’t “explosions” at the facility but, rather, “small pops” followed by smoke and fire.

But Richard Rennard, an Arkema executive, said it was impossible to know for sure, since all the employees had left the site.

“These things can burn very quickly and violently; it would not be unusual for them to explode,” Rennard said at a news conference. However, he said: “We believe it hasn’t been a massive explosion; it’s just been these vapor release valves that popped” in one of the box vans.

See? No explosions, just “small pops” that produced fire and smoke. What part of that don’t you understand?

I’m reminded of an interview with a military man describing a plane crash near an air force base some years back: “The aircraft decelerated and rapidly lost altitude, which caused it to impact with the ground.”

I'm also reminded of the heroic U.S. invasion of Grenada, which wasn’t an invasion, but a “pre-dawn vertical insertion.”

Then I’m reminded of the fifth grade, when the teacher was reprimanding my best friend for losing his homework. “I didn’t lose it,” my friend said, “I temporarily misplaced it!”

And I’m forced to reflect on the sad fact that our political, business and military leaders talk just like a fifth grader lying about not doing his homework.

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Posted by OHollern at September 01, 2017 07:51 PM
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O stop it, O'Hollern. You know perfectly well they're not telling lies. They're managing carefully-controlled releases of alternate interpretations."

Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank

Posted by: The New YorkCrank on September 2, 2017 2:08 PM
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