August 24, 2012
Holy Loads

Peter alerts us to Holy Smoke, whence cometh this:

My friend smiled and said “You know I’ve thought about this for some time and I want to be cremated. Then I want my ashes put into some turkey load shotgun shells and have someone that knows how to turkey hunt use the shotgun shells with my ashes to shoot a turkey. That way I will rest in peace knowing that the last thing that one turkey will see is me, screaming at him at about 900 feet per second.”

And while we’re on the subject of animals and the afterlife, take a look at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA:

…We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus… For $135.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved…

For years I’ve been meaning to find out if this outfit is for real, and if so how business is doing. I just checked, and still don’t know. The site is still up, but: “This service canceled due to lack of clients. Thanks for all of your interest & excitement over the past three years.”

If you believe in the Rapture, would you feel comfortable entrusting Fluffy to a bunch of hell-bent atheists? But supposing you did, have these godless sinners returned your money? All of it, or adjusted for those years in which no rapture occurred?

As for Holy Smoke’s reloading service, it appears via Google not only to exist but to be offered by several other legitimate-sounding entrepreneurs. Is “legitimate” the right word to use in this particular context? What the hell, why not? This is America.



Posted by Jerome Doolittle at August 24, 2012 02:22 PM
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The gentleman's estate plan vastly over estimates the eyesight of a turkey.

Posted by: lless on August 24, 2012 9:16 PM
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