July 02, 2012
Things Iíve Done That Iíll Bet Mitt Romney Has Never Done (Continued)

Something I've done that Iíll bet Mitt Romney has never done is... fill out a job application.

Guys like Romney donít fill out job applications, yísee. According to Mittís Wikipedia page ó and here Wikipedia's notorious subjectivity works in our favor ó his employment history begins thusly:

Romney was recruited by several firms and chose to remain in Massachusetts to work for Boston Consulting Group (BCG), reasoning that working as a management consultant to a variety of companies would better prepare him for a future position as a chief executive.

In contrast, my employment history began with a clean shirt, my own pen, and an index card on which I had jotted down three personal references. I went to the mall just north of town and went from store to store, asking at each one if they were accepting applications. If they were, I reasoned it would make a better impression if I had my own pen than if I asked to borrow one. Thereís something else I bet Mitt Romney has never done: give an iota of thought to the impression he would make by asking to borrow a pen.

Eventually, my efforts yielded the sort of job one would expect from a shopping mall in the late 70s ó a minimum wage gig that turned out to be seasonal. I was told when I was hired in September that this particular store did not hire seasonally, which led me to expect that I could work there for as long as I did a good job. However, when there were massive layoffs the following January ó myself among them ó I realized that I had been lied to about that. I would bet that, too, is an experience Mitt Romney has never had. Rather, my guess would be that Mitt has always been the one lying to employees. (Although one could argue that currently he is lying to his prospective employers, which to varying degrees we have all done.)


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Since then, I have filled out many job applications for all sorts of jobs. One is worth mentioning. When I fled Ohio for San Francisco (to launch my illustrious stand-up career) I had to choose between necessities and luxuries. One of the things that came under the heading of luxury was... a telephone. Ya know why? Because I had no credit history, the phone company required a prohibitively large (for me) deposit. And because I had no phone, a prospective employer refused to take my application. Apparently, what I considered a minor inconvenience he considered an insurmountable barrier. I will bet Mitt has never had to worry that he would not be seriously considered for any position in which he was interested. And I don't have to bet on this one ó I will guarantee you Willard M. Romney has never had to do without a phone, for any reason.

I am happy to report that it has been a long time since Iíve had to fill out a job application. I have graduated to the ranks of people who get hired by circulating resumes, and from there to the exalted ranks of those who have their resumes dismissed out of hand. I am quite sure the being in that latter category is another experience that Mr. Romney and I will never have in common.

Romney recently suggested adding a Constitutional qualification that ďthe president has to spend at least three years working in business before he could become president of the United States.íĒ I might go along with that ó if those three years began with filling out a job application. Unlike Mr. Romney, I think that would educate any would-be president in the way this country reallyworks.

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Posted by Kurt Weldon at July 02, 2012 12:28 PM
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Hmm. How about "the president must spend at least three years as a full time carer"?

I'd prefer my leaders to know how to look after a family rather than how to artificially inflate the company stock price.

Posted by: John Anthony Curran on July 3, 2012 12:39 AM
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