August 14, 2011
The Small Family Values Candidate

Remember, folks, you read it here first. Even if you didn’t.

(END VIDEO CLIP) BALDWIN: Wayne Slater, let’s assume Governor Perry has no shortage of confidence here.

Tell us something else about Governor Rick Perry that folks outside the great state of Texas may not know.

WAYNE SLATER, COLUMNIST, “THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS”: Well, let me tell you a couple things. One, you’re right. He is George Bush on steroids.

People who thought they knew who George Bush was, Rick Perry is the real thing. He was actually born on a west Texas — raised on a West Texas ranch. He wears cowboy boots every day, as do a lot Texans. He was educated at Texas A&M. That’s the Aggie college, where he was a Yell Leader.

He carries a pistol with him, laser-fired pistol, laser-lighted pistol when he jogs. And at least this is not necessarily Texan, he’s a man of trust in his family. His father-in-law actually did his vasectomy. He’s a man who trusts his family and lives big in Texas.

The MSM media will no doubt be on this story like white on rice in the next few days. Here’s a handy check list for reporters:

1. Was the operation a success? Normally semen samples are tested for sperm following this procedure. Were these taken? How?

2. Was the operation done under general or local anesthesia? If the latter, what did the two men chat about?

3. Whose idea was the vasectomy? Possible answers include but are not limited to: Governor Perry, Mrs. Perry, the governor’s father-in-law, the governor’s mother-in-law, and the governor's parents.

4. The governor and his wife have two children. Would God consider this to qualify as being fruitful and multiplying? Has the governor brought the question up in his talks with Him?

5. Romney has five children. Compare and contrast.

6. Is vasectomy a family value?

7. Does the governor plan to provide foster care for 23 teenage girls? Related question: How come Michele Bachmann didn’t take in any teenage boys?

8. Is Governor Perry’s father-in-law a doctor?


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Posted by Jerome Doolittle at August 14, 2011 07:38 PM
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If Rick keeps saying that God has to fix it, why do we need Rick?

Posted by: montag on August 14, 2011 8:05 PM

The father-in-law wouldn't have to be a doctor. A rancher could do the job just a well, Texas-style.

Posted by: Fast Eddie on August 15, 2011 6:06 PM

Eew! Just how warped do you have to be, to let your father-in-law fondle your package? It's not like there's a shortage of doctors qualified to snip down there. They had to be sitting around and Perry said, "Hey, you know what, honey? Let's get your father intimate with what I've packing. That way I can say both my wife and her father have been down there."

Posted by: Jerry C on August 18, 2011 7:31 AM
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