June 18, 2011
The United States of Paranoia

From CNN we learn that Portland has a zero tolerance policy on urine. Its water bureau subscribes to the Dick Cheney theory of risk management, which on the national scale brought us the Department of Homeland Security (Heimat Sicherheit in the original German), endless war in the Middle East, and a citizenry of cringing cowards. Search a baby’s diaper for explosives at the airport, and a clear majority of Americans will call it regrettable, but a necessary price to pay for our freedoms.

Is it possible that nobody at the Portland Water Bureau has ever visited a public pool full of pissing, splashing and swallowing kids who nonetheless manage to survive? Are the Water Bureau’s managers incapable of calculating the number of ounces in a gallon, multiplying by 8,000,000, dividing by 16, and then having a good laugh over the immeasurable trace of piss remaining in a glass of city water? Of course they’re not, but the poor bastards answer to a public long since reduced to a permanent state of fear. Good Americans snivel their way through life's darkness, cowering at every small sound and literally worried sick.

Oregon’s Portland Water Bureau is draining an 8 million-gallon reservoir after surveillance cameras caught a man urinating into it this week.

The move will cost the water bureau $35,000 – $28,000 in lost revenue and $7,500 in disposal costs, CNN affiliate KATU-TV reports…

A healthy bladder holds up to 16 ounces of urine, according to the National Institutes of Health.



Posted by Jerome Doolittle at June 18, 2011 12:35 PM
Email this entry to:

Your email address:

Message (optional):


The draining has less to do with paranoia in Portland than with the demand the EPA has been making since the Bush administration that Portland close or cover all of the open reservoirs. The city has been fighting for a waiver for this requirement for years, because covering all the reservoirs in Portland will cost tens of millions of dollars, far more than the cost of draining this time will.

Posted by: on June 18, 2011 2:10 PM

If this is Portland, OR, they are fanatical about their drinking water.

Somewhere over 20 years ago, some people went to prison for pissing in the Bull Run reservoir in Portland. If I remember correctly, and I probably don't, they had actually planned to climb the fences and violate the law. I think they were nailed for conspiracy to violate the water law.

Like the indigenous people in North America that killed European explorers out of hand for excreting in water, some people have common sense. Some people just need to be sorted out of the population instantly.

I hope the semihuman, that did this, has all assets seized and a fine big enough to pay for the cost.

Posted by: evil is evil on June 18, 2011 2:15 PM

Great God. Aren't there enough wealthy cretins around to save it to piss on their lawns, or if the opportunity arises, to save it for their eventual swim in it.

Posted by: Buck on June 18, 2011 7:12 PM

there are books on drinking your own urine for therapy / my daughter sent me one a few years ago / on that topic i will say no more / however i will add, just for the fun of it, that we grow our own food and we make Humanure / there are books on that too and the compost it makes is ..... i reach for an interesting or humorous pun / anyway the humanure is humungusly rich in nutrients / smile

no. our s..it dont stink

meanwhile pee is pee and the desirability of it depends on how much and whose it is!

when i write to my email list on such topics they respond with TMI, TMI, so forgive me if i have gone beyond the pale


Posted by: Katherine Hunter on June 18, 2011 8:38 PM

A founding principle of the internet was that the whole concept of TMI, being unnatural and undesirable, should be made optional. Nothing should force you to click or not to click on that link to the animal porn site or the quilting site or the Great Philosophers of the 19th century site. One man's fish is another man's poisson. So you're forgiven, Katherine. Tell us more about Humanure.

The Pale, incidentally, originally referred to those areas of Russia to which Jews were restricted. Go beyond that and the Cossacks got you. Piss on the Cossacks, I'm with the Jews. That's what makes it so sad watching the Israelis turn into Cossacks.

My, how I ramble on.

Posted by: Jerry Doolittle on June 19, 2011 10:57 AM

ingredients and supplies for making Humanure

five gallon sized buckets, two for each contributer, with lids

truck full of sawdust

a big bin to hold the sawdust and several bins available for the potential composting

participant should maintain a nutritious diet worthy of making exceptional manure for your garden


each participant gets two buckets, one with layer of sawdust in the bottom and the second bucket filled with sawdust / guess you will need a scoop like a clean empty yogurt cup

so one poops in bucket number one and then covers the deposit with sawdust from bucket number two (heh) keep lids on when not in use

kitchen waste can be mixed in, even meat scraps, adding a little sawdust to cover up each addition

when your bucket is full take it to the bins and deposit in correct space / this will be mixed and allowed to cure / takes at least a year to produce good compost

my son.out.law is the manager of this project / id est, he built the bins, gets the truckload of sawdust, mixes together the bucket contents in the bin, and keeps us posted as to when it has cured and is usable

there is no odor involved / visitors dont know the difference ~ daughter and son.out.law are earthbag builders so we have curious visitors for that

not that we advertise it or anything but when someone discovers we are making humanure there are often some interesting reactions as you can imagine

a group of students here for a Community Rebuild Project (young folks) had varying degrees of aghast, appalled, etc. so the s.o.l told them i did it too / see, me being an old lady, ya know, too prissy to poop in a bucket they would think / smile

well, you asked, and yes, there is a book available at Amazon, no shit / smile

Posted by: Katherine Hunter on June 19, 2011 2:46 PM

Nice thing is, ducks don't pee. Same with fish. Muskrats also known for their absolute reluctance to relieve themselves while swimming.

Further research needed on frogs and turtles.

Posted by: on June 19, 2011 9:25 PM

Interestingly, the international space station uses urine as the basis of their drinking water. Presumably Portland feels they can teach NASA a thing or two about basic human health.

My money says Portland's zero tolerance attitude to water pollution doesn't extend to heavy industry.

Posted by: John Anthony Curran on June 19, 2011 10:03 PM

I'd prefer to just drive down to the local compost facility when they have good dirt available, usually in the spring and pick it up from there - not that I've done so with a ruptured disk and a hip going out about now. They accept tree limbs and leaves (no grass clippings - too many chemicals I suppose) and grind it up for either mulch or the more nutritious compost dirt. When it's ready you have to get it fast or its gone.

Firewood also available for those who use it. Unfortunately we don't have drop off facilities for unneeded items for recycle like is common in New England. We have to use freecycle for that.

I always thought carnivores made poor compost - guano and other bird poop being the best. Of course not all humans are carnivores.

Posted by: Buck on June 20, 2011 4:04 PM
Post a comment

Email Address:



Remember info?