Ignore that tiresome squabbling in Washington about whose health insurance plan is better and get yourself down to Big Bobís Healthcare Emporium. Big Bobíll fix you up with some healthcare that will knock your socks off. And for a price even a deadbeat Democrat could smile about.
Letís start with this weekís special: Bob is offering a deeply discounted starter family plan for an unbelievable $28.50 a month. No deductible, no co-payments, no exclusions, no problems. The plan covers everybody in the family from Granny on down to Baby Snookums ó doctors, hospital, medicine, transportation, rehab, home care, prosthetics, dentures, you name it, itís covered. Covers up to 72 family members including first cousins once removed and second cousins. With a plan like this you canít afford not to get sick. After the first month, rates may increase slightly, but, hey, thereís no free lunch, right?
And waitíll you hear about this baby. A nifty plan thatís drawn a lot of attention recently is the Bankers ín Brokers bonus plan. This one is restricted to members of the financial fraternity/sorority but itís so good youíll want to start thinking about switching careers. Hereís how it works.
You give Big Bob a million bucks and he insures your ass six ways to Sunday. Bob invests the million with his pal Bernie the Mad Off and Bernie doubles the million in about a year. Bob keeps the earnings and returns your original million less administrative fees, a small commission, insurance premiums, miscellaneous expenses, and a few other minor costs not worth mentioning.
Your net adjusted gross net still represents a tidy pile of green and youíve had the security of knowing the costs of your breakdown, your cocaine rehab and your defense counsel would have been fully covered. This is not a plan for the financially skittish.
Another favorite in this politically charged year is the Tell Obama To Go Stuff It Comprehensive Family Healthcare Insurance Plan. This one provides good basic insurance coverage for upscale, discriminating people who would rather not think about things that donít concern them ó like medical insurance for, well, you know, Them. Exclusive, expensive, this is insurance that feels like an Armani jacket and is worth every penny.
The Blue Dog Special. This plan was originally designed for those House Democrats who want to be known as progressive conservatives or conservative progressives. They want the advantages of being part of the Democratic Party along with the freedom to vote like fiscally responsible Republicans. They donít need medical insurance because as Members of Congress, which youíre not, they have some the best coverage in the world, which you donít. Bob gives this insurance to the Blue Dogs free for the PR value even though it has no PR value. Thatís the kind of guy Bob is.
Then thereís Big Bobís Own HMO, which offers a wide range of plans to suit just about everybody under the sun. The plans are much too complicated to go into here, but be assured they are as full of clever ideas for helping people through tough times as the plans offered by better known insurance companies. Donít forget: When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
If it walks and talks like socialized medicine it is socialized medicine. Big Bob knows a thing or two about the practice of medicine in this country and he knows socialized medicine when he sees it. Bob says the plans the Democrats are fighting about are all socialized medicine in one form or another. Get the government into the picture and you can forget about decent health care in this country.
What about Medicare? people ask. Isnít that the government? Nonsense, says Big Bob. If the government was involved, Medicare couldnít possibly work as well as it does. The Government only pretends to run Medicare, Big Bob says. Itís actually run by fiscally responsible Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats.
Big Bobís Healthcare Emporium is open 24/7. Donít wait. Get down to Big Bobís now before all the good healthcare insurance policies are gone.