April 03, 2009
Sarah’s Kind of Guy

Not enough attention has been paid to Sarah Palin’s choice for attorney general of Alaska, a lacuna which I intend forthwith to fill. First of all his name is Wayne Anthony Ross, giving him the initials W.A.R. It is not clear whether his father, a Milwaukee insurance man, saw the significance of this. But the day must have come when the boy realized that his initials spelled “War.” The epiphany changed him forever, sort of.

Not enough to actually make him want to go to “War” himself, although one was handy when he graduated from Marquette University in 1965, and remained within easy reach when he graduated from its law school in 1968.

Instead he moved to Alaska, where he adopted bolo ties, high-heeled boots and a cowboy hat and became a civilian trial lawyer. But the dream never died. He went to gun shows. He shot animals, no doubt wishing they could shoot back. He became a director of the National Rifle Association.

And he pulled an 11-and-a-half year hitch in the Alaska State Defense Force (a 240-man “government-approved state militia”), rising to become its inspector general with the rank of colonel. He also became vice president of the 49th Territorial Guards Regiment, Inc., which guards territory.

Twice knighted (by Poland and the Vatican), Sir Wayne holds the Commander’s Cross of the Order of Polonia Restituta and the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulcher of Jerusalem.

As if that weren’t enough the colonel has also received awards from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the Daughters of the American Revolution (for patriotism), as well as being a recipient of the NRA’s Award of Merit for the Promotion of Gun Collecting.

But want to know the best thing of all? Another dreamer of martial dreams was appointed president in 2000, and Colonel Ross finally got his chance to go to war.

He scored this really keen red Hummer to tool around Anchorage in, with these totally awesome license plates that say “WAR.” Eat your heart out, kids.


warhummer.jpg

Oh, yeah. He stands right with God, too:

‘‘I feel I have a good relationship with the good Lord but if I could overturn Roe vs. Wade, I figure I got my ticket.”
Webding3.jpg

Posted by Jerome Doolittle at April 03, 2009 02:59 PM
Email this entry to:


Your email address:


Message (optional):


Comments

Amazing how all these martial Republicans were somehow cheated by the system and prevented from joining the Marines in 1968.

Posted by: Joyful Alternative on April 4, 2009 2:49 AM

Excuse me while I go barf.

Posted by: knowdoubt on April 4, 2009 9:01 AM

Any significance in the fact that his name is Wayne? Chickenhawk Newt Gingrich's role model growing up was John Wayne. John Wayne Gacy, etc. And Wayne himself was a draft dodger. (So was Rambo. Stallone rode out the VN war teaching at a girls school in Switzerland.)

Posted by: CCRyder on April 6, 2009 8:27 AM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?