In obedience to instructions proceeding from the highest levels of the administration I was sitting around the house last night feeling scared. Which world leader, I fearfully wondered, was capable of keeping me warm and safe?
Not in some general sense, but specifically, physically. Suppose I’m in some neighborhood saloon, minding my own business but keeping an eye out for anybody who looks a little, you know, different? And suddenly in comes this bunch of terrorists, all of them mean drunk on goat’s milk or whatever the hell it is they drink and out to kill them some Christians.
There’s only one other regular person in the place that could get my back, so who should it be? Which world leader would have the strength, speed, hand-eye coordination, and testicles to save my sorry, aging ass so I could live to fear another day?
I went straight to Google, looking for beefcake shots of world leaders. Mussolini came up first, but he was hanging upside down and had a shirt on. Besides, I needed somebody alive.
Slim pickings. The paparazzi who do such a great job on Britney’s formerly private parts and Lindsay Lohan’s nipple slips aren’t so brave when it comes to heads of state.
All I could find, scantily-clad statesmanwise, was the three gotchas below. Contrast and compare, in one word or less. Which of the three looks tough enough to drag that bogeyman out of your closet and beat him like a borrowed mule?
(The old cowhand from Connecticut is shown as he tries and fails to break a bucking Segway. Although Segways have gyroscopes to keep greenhorns tall in the saddle, the safety feature can be overcome by a sufficiently incompetent operator.)
Who's the young lady almost visibly wringing her hands with concern as the Decider decides to drive over another cliff?
Posted by: Furber on October 25, 2007 12:55 PM