Wisdom from the incomparable John Waters, the genius who brought olfaction to the big screen. One of my numberless regrets is that, having correctly foreseen that the scratch-and-sniff cards distributed at showings of Polyester would one day be enormously valuable, I kept mine. And then lost it.

Waters, whose pied-à-terre has one bedroom and is decorated entirely in shades of dark green, with Venetian blinds permanently drawn, has never even lived with a partner, let alone considered legalizing any of his unions. “I always thought the privilege of being gay is that we don’t have to get married or go in the Army,” he said. “I personally have no desire to imitate a fairly corny, expensive heterosexual tradition, though I certainly know gay couples who are married who should be. I am all for it. I have always joked that the growth industries are gay divorce and tattoo removal.”