And once again, for auld lang syne, we return to Bill Adler’s seminal work, First Mom: the Wit and Wisdom of Barbara Bush:

If ever again a minister asks those of us who have perfect families to please raise their hands, mine will go up in a minute… My children have had only minor problems. They haven’t had any real problems.

(Among their unreal problems have been looting a savings and loan, an unusually nasty and messy divorce, influence peddling, addictions to drugs, alcohol and serial lying, DUI arrests, fixing elections, illegal wiretapping of American citizens, revoking the right of habeas corpus, the torture of prisoners, failure to perform military duty, negligent slaughter of a major American city and the launching of an unlawful, unnecessary, preemptive war of choice resulting in the murder of hundreds of thousands of Americans and Iraqis. Oh, yeah — and cruelty to animals.)