I would normally let my esteemed conservative colleague Jon Swift or Jesus General handle this, but this one I’ve got to do myself. With less than two weeks before the most important holiday in the Christian tradition, not one person at any store I visited today said Happy Easter, or even Merry Easter to me. In fact, they didn’t even say Happy Holidays. I’m one of those who thinks Good Friday counts as a Holy Day, or Christian holiday, or whatever.

What’s wrong with these people that call themselves Christians? Surely they’d be up on their high horses about this obscene slander of Christianity by the business world. Target, Wal-Mart, Jiffy Lube, Burger King, McDonalds, I went to them all. From nary a one of them have I heard Happy Easter. I’m also sure that I would have heard about it if Jerry Falwell or Oral Roberts or Benny Hinn had made a fuss about how everywhere you go in this nation these days, no one bothers to tell you Happy Easter when you shop. It’s a national disgrace I tell you. I’m beginning to wonder if all these people who call themselves Christians are nothing but a bunch of fakers. Well, anyway, the Easter Bunny isn’t coming to our house this year anyway, because our sweet Mabel already did him in.