I have just finished Bush at War, a fond look at our acting president by America's stenographer to power, Bob Woodward. I learned two things from it, which I will pass on to save you the trouble of reading the thing for yourselves.
First of all, at no point in Woodward's account does any member of the administration give the slightest thought to what we might do to make future suicide bombers less anxious to attack us. This means that they will continue to do so, and there goes the "War on Terror."
Second, Mr. Bush can bench press 205 pounds.
He told this to Richard Armitage of the State Department, who is built like a nose cone and can bench press a good deal more than his boss. On learning this, Mr. Bush attempted to salvage at least a little something from the wreckage. He asked Mr. Armitage whether he thought any president had ever been able to beat 205. Since Mrs. Armitage didn't raise any idiots, her boy said no.
At least one presidential speechwriter used to be able to bench more than Mr. Bush, though, and I am he. I won't say how much more, because in what is to come I want to set the bar for myself as low as possible.
My plan is to hit Mr. Bush where it hurts, right in the fragile ego of an ex-cheerleader turned gym rat late in life. I intend to start training right now, and to bench press 205 pounds on Labor Day. By then I will be seventy years of age, but I'll still be every bit as childish as George W. Bush. What's more, I'll have the pecs to prove it.
Watch this space to keep abreast, so to speak, of future development.
Posted by Jerome Doolittle at March 14, 2003 05:21 PM
I love you Jerry. You are so beautiful. Press on, press on! Beat his sorry ass.
I needed the laugh(gym rat as prez...priceless).
The Luddite
I hear he also plays a pretty mean Nintendo, what if he challenges you to that?
Posted by: barney gumble on March 14, 2003 5:37 PMHey, I hope you're not also planning to choke on a pretzel!
Posted by: on March 18, 2003 1:10 AMJerry will not choke on a pretzel. Reason? Jerry is capable of walking, thinking, and eating at the same time, unlike that sack of pissed on crap in the White House.
Posted by: on March 18, 2003 6:20 AMActually, shouldn't your goal be 206?
Posted by: Dave T. on March 19, 2003 12:22 PMOkay -- I'm in.
What are the rules -- how many reps? Does it have to be free weights?
You're an old dude looking to get back to where you've been, but my bid is fraught with its own perils: I've never put up nearly that much or even seriously bench-pressed, and I'll be attempting to battle through an old shoulder injury.
P.S.: I gotta agree with Dave, if a false patriot such as Bush can put up 205, 206 is the mark for real patriots.
P.P.S.: Come on, we need more people! Anyone else out there interested, or know someone who is?
Posted by: Ted Metcalf on March 19, 2003 2:39 PMI'm conflicted about this 206-lb question, Dave and Ted. Seems to me a tie would indicate my superior moral character, whereas a victory would demote me to the Bush league. I'll have to think on this more.
As to reps, Ted, all I'm aiming for is a single rep. A lift is a lift. As to free weights, definitely yes. Real men don't use Universal machines.
Posted by: Jerry Doolittle on March 20, 2003 9:54 PM